My name is Emily and I am 1 in 4. Â This is theÂ story of my Angel Babies.
On May 30th, I married my best friend changed my name and officiallyÂ became a step-mom of a 10 year old boy. Â In July, we unofficially started “trying”, thinking it would take a few months to get pregnant. Â On August 10th, I got to tellÂ my husband we were going to have a baby. Â The joy and fear in those moments are memories I will never forget. Â My heart wouldn’t stop pounding and my mind was going a mile a minute. Â The hopes and dreams made my heart soar. Â I was so happy. Â The next day I was at the doctor where they confirmed my test and took blood to double check. Â Two days later I got a phone call saying the blood test was also confirmed, but they wanted me to do more tests due to low numbers. Â On August 13th, we lost our baby. Â Four days. Â That’s all I had with my first baby. Â We didn’t even have a chance to tell our family and friends. Â I sat in the ER with a heavy heart, knowing even before the doctors told me that my baby was gone. Â My husband and I crashed. Â This incredible high we were on crashed like a truck hitting a brick wall. Â We cried for days. Â A piece of my heart will always be with my baby, no matter how short of a time we had with him or her. Â
Two months later, I got to tell my husband we were pregnant again. Â I was thrilled but held back. Â I was filled with more fear than joy. Â I was filled with the painful emotions of before. Â I saw my OB right away and there was blood work done. Â They gave me extra progesterone. Â I was holding my breath. Â A couple weeks went by and we were still OK. Â We didn’t tell family. Â Not until our risk of losing our baby was lower. Â Things were fine and they scheduled an ultrasound so we could hear a heartbeat. Â Two days before my ultrasound, I was driving home when my heart dropped. Â I’ve felt this before. Â After calling my doctor we went in for an ultrasound. Â As much as I prayed, we did not hear a heartbeat that day. Â On December 10th, everything crashed again. Â Why did God take another baby from me? Â Our parents were the only ones who knew for months. Â I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone. Â I felt like I was in a tunnel I couldn’t get out of. Â I will never understand why, but I accepted that it wasn’t God’s timing for us to have a baby right then. Â Another piece of my heart went to Heaven that day.
After that, we stopped “trying”. Â I couldn’t take more heartbreak. Â I needed to heal. Â We needed to heal. Â But on January 6th, I wasn’t feeling well. Â We were pregnant again. Â More joy, more fear. Â More blood tests and ultrasounds. Â I gave blood 3 times that week. Â My levels got higher and my fear faded as time went by. Â On February 6th, we hear our baby’s heartbeat! Â There are no words to describe the emotions we felt that day. Â On September 26, 2016, we met our rainbow baby. Â Allison Kay. Â
Nothing can replace the loss of a baby. Â I will never forget my Angel babies. Â I never got to hold them, but I will always love them and I can not wait to hold them in my arms one day in Heaven. Â Â