A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss.In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.

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My first daughter was born May 2013. It was a very rough pregnancy and it took me a year to even consider having more children. We started trying and got pregnant just before Thanksgiving 2014. Around 5 weeks I started bleeding, but thanks to the whole CHI/BCBS thing, I was out of network with my OB and they just kept telling me that they didn’t need to see me, even though I was bleeding.

I found a new dr, but continued to have bleeding up until my first appointment at 8 weeks, on December 23rd. I started bleeding very heavily while waiting to be seen. During my appointment they could not find a baby on the ultrasound. We were given various options about how we could proceed and decided that since my body was already doing what it needed to, we would just let it run it’s course.

Two days later, on Christmas, my uncle died after a very short battle with pancreatic cancer. We headed to Illinois with family. While we were there, my husband and I just melted down. We hadn’t even had a chance to process what had happened with us and then it was the holiday and then traveling and a funeral. Then, we got back home and on January 3rd we had just dropped our daughter off with Tom’s parents so we could have some time alone and get some things done around the house. But on the drive back to our house I started having weird pains and not feeling well. My husband insisted that I lay down and rest instead. I couldn’t sleep long because I woke up in a lot of pain. I called my sister in law who is an OB resident and she told me to go straight to the hospital because I could be experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. I told the receptionist that, but still spent a little over an hour in the waiting room of the ER. By the time they saw me and did an ultrasound, my right tube had ruptured and I was having internal bleeding. I had to have emergency surgery and lost my right tube. It was like being kicked when we were already down. We didn’t know if our baby was a boy or a girl, but my gut was boy, so we named him Emerson Lloyd.

We had to wait at least 3 cycles before we could try again so that my body could heal following the surgery. I was terrified to try again, worried it would happen again and I would lose my remaining tube, leaving us unable to have any more children.

Every time I’m off the pill I’m very irregular and we were discussing using chlomid to help. My last cycle before chlomid I got pregnant. Even with bloodwork and an early ultrasound comfirming the pregnancy, I spent my entire pregnancy paranoid that I would lose this baby too. I still had the same complications as my first pregnancy, but now Evelyn is here and she is a happy and healthy 6 month old. After all that I have been diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, but having my two girls is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.